6:46 PM
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
im too lazy to update here i guess. hahaha no point leading a dual life.
so on to tumblr. i think im a lagger but wtheck.
2:25 AM
i'm not perfect but i keep trying because that's what i told myself i would do.
harp on my flaws if you must, but dont think im like everyone else in ur elite social circle dammit. yeah they may understand everything you say right away, but im sorry for being dumb ok! at least i know i got friends who are way superior to you who have two more defining qualities which you would never possess. patience and the understanding that not everyone regardless of age is the same. if you dont treat kids this way, then jolly well dont treat ANYONE else in the SAME way. wtf srsly. doesnt mean everyone older than you is smarter and everyone younger than you is more stupid?!
sometimes i just cant help but think, if you had a less fortunate background, i would gladly pay to see you suffer when you deal with those around you. to work your way up the ladder, gaining and earning respect from people. one day if you lead a group of people, you'll find that it'll be hell for you to earn their respect. because your superiority complex shows. you walking around with your nose in the air comes off more obviously than you think it does. you judging that other people are dumb, and even when you completely miss the point they are talking about.
then agin, i think im dumb. but its hard to improve intellectual capacity as you grow older. hear hear. im just lazy. period.
7:43 AM
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
so, if you're mad, get mad
dont hold it all inside
come on and talk to me now
hey, what you've got to hide?
i get angry too
well, i'm a lot like you.
yes i'm a lot like you.
being happy on the outside cannot control the turmoil inside forever. it's just hard. yet to not be happy would mean letting a lot of people who depend on ur happiness down. it's just so hard to be there for everybody and yet accept that no one is there for you.
why cant people sense other peoples moods? isnt it easy? till now, i can safely say i have a >90% hit rate at telling how other people feel, tho sometimes i dont care and pretend i dont know. yet few can tell how i feel. its just weird.
maybe i shld have taken psychology instead. human body language and emotion predictor course. lol
oldies are goodies. (:
book reading day tmw!
this post is freaking random, but surmises my day
and thanks for that wonderful treat today! tho u 100% dont know my blog. gtg back to that restaurant sometime soon man. <3
8:07 AM
Monday, December 27, 2010
it's funny how things which you dont want to be known for gets found out so easily and things which you want to be credited for will always remain elusive.
it's funny how people get misunderstood so easily, simply because other people believe what they want to believe, so no amount of convincing short of killing the person would change their mind.
it's funny how people are so nice to you when they need something from you and so cold when you need something from them, even if it means just lending a listening ear.
funny world.
this week is going to be short, i can feel it. and the dreaded camp looms over my shoulders again. when can i shake it all off?
9:09 AM
Friday, December 17, 2010
But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you been gone
^^
since you've been gone.
8:02 AM
Monday, December 13, 2010
1 yr to go 1 yr to go, actly less than that.
army's half gone now. but to hell with that.
i've toned down a lot from my younger days. less impulsive, really way less. yet i find a quality which i used to possess that really, i can only find minor traces of it now. that is, sad to say?, being a nerd.
i dont know why i've lost interest in most things academic, yet at times when i devote myself to a topic, i would not rest until the thirst for knowledge is satisfied. it reminds me time and again that I still have this quality in me, it's just that I'm always distracted by everything else around me.
i should start and claim back this trait. sigh. yet i still want to retain my adventurous self! whatever happened to jumping down a flight of stairs just to slap ur friend's back. or saying "stand up for singapore" when the teacher walks in!
whatever happened to reading a history textbook in p2! or spending one afternoon, reading a book without distractions! or sitting at popular(then) and reading and reading!
i dont really like current self, but i will change.
back to the same old. full circle
6:44 AM
Friday, December 10, 2010
dont people ever realize that there's a limit to everything. maybe what my friend said about me not being able to express how i feel openly is true. many a time i should have said outright what i wanted to say. why then am i afraid to hurt others if others aren't afraid to hurt me.
in sec 3, i was told at ccal camp, that observing and listening were starkly different from seeing and hearing. i was told to be mindful of others, taught to be sensitive and inculcated a trait of putting others before oneself.
now as i look back, all these values have brought me more suffering than joy. yeah it's a joy to give than to receive. fuck that. who's there to listen to me when i need it. seriously, i cannot find someone who listens to me as intently, and who is as readily available as me. is it that hard to really put urself in someone else's shoes? the few who really bother listening to me are usually busy, no blame on them tho.
i guess im just sick of giving in every time, being a yes man. from now on, it's a zero sum game. listen to me and i'll listen to you. if i listen to you and you dont listen to me, that's the end. and yeah, i can totally see how it'll work out already.
in the end, i'll still give in. fuck.