hell can do wonders to the human mind. one month plus of being in a company line did just that. tough training aside, i guess i really did get a chance to take a real good long look at myself as a person and find out my stark flaws. i just hope that in the future i dont have to go through such a scenario to find out more about myself again.
the last one month has been well, tough. perhaps the toughest one mth of my life by far. i guess it may as well be the first time i was just an inch away from being depressed. as in depression. it was something like a flashback to when i was younger. when being in gep meant u were ostracized. in here, being in jc meant that u were ostracized. being new in the company also meant that you will be ostracized. and well sometimes also blamed for things which u never did. and although it may be all just for fun, it rubbed off me in a wrong way and perhaps i was too sensitive, considering how i ended up being posted there in the first place and the reasons why i was chosen was really, well, enough to make me pissed off.
i guess the tough training made me think back to who was really close to me. thanks to the select few who kept me company thru the late nights where i couldn't fall asleep. i think without you all i would have probably really became depressed. but also i think well, i now finally know who i can count on in times where my mental strength is weak. never have i missed my family and certain friends so much. and sometimes it's just the small things that you all do which lifts my spirits up.
i also learnt perhaps certain skills required for my profession in the future, one main one being communication. i realize that i've been living in too sheltered a world for some time now. perhaps since the day i was born. the society which i grew up in made me able to communicate to people very easily. most of the times, the tough nuts could be controlled from a position of leadership/authority. but here now, as a man and not a commander, the perspective which i had long forgotten was retaught to me, albeit in a hard way.
i guess, sometimes we all really need a hard lesson to learn things about ourselves, we always say to not take things for granted, but we perhaps need to go through a period of toughness which we never experienced before so that we can finally understand why we cannot take such people around us for granted. to cherish the joy i have at home and with my friends, i had to first experience pain and mental suffering.
and really, i dont want to do it again.