hey there. you can put whatever you want here. maybe a disclaimer, a special shoutout, anything, it's up to you.
oh but do note that you can't navigate back here once you navigate away so don't put anything important here.
other than that, go crazy. cheers.
♥ DancingSheep
three cheers for me.
40SAR. Minion of the state. ORD 03122011 (:
Australia 2012.
mneo
3:09 AM
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
There's only one chance for everything is life. A 2nd chance is merely what people tell themselves they have when they screwed up the 1st time.
It's almost one month to go. It somehow seems so unreal how close things are. It's approaching and will inevitably hit, but i just dont feel the hunger to reach all out and grab it. The sunken feeling of unpreparedness. The feeling that it's already too late and trying to salvage the situation may only bring about worse consequences. but still, it's a path that i've taken, and well going left or right now would just lead to the worst possible places imaginable. i guess there's no detour then. the only path is forward, and with every step i take, the ground behind me crumbles into nothingness. The fragility of the ground I'm standing on seems to say to move forward and take the upcoming obstacle head on. It looks as if I'm a character in this time based game where the screen just keeps on moving to the right and staying at one point for too long will get you crushed. Still, I hope the game makers put some powerups along the way and not just plenty more obstacles. After all, all games do come with bonuses, dont they?
Well pray hard.
I'm counting down the days to go. It just ain't living.
on a side note, dreamtheater released a new album and as seen below. it's cool. a bonus found in the game to brighten up my day i guess. wallflower is a cool band. Chk them out.
/edit I still feel like a total letdown to my mom and my teachers seeing my lousy CT2 grades. I just hope that i can make it up during prelims. That's the very least i can do. I'll work hard. promise.
3:07 AM
Let it out, let it out Fill the empty space So insecure find the words and let it out
Staring down, staring down Nothing comes to mind Find the place turn the water into wine
But I feel I'm getting nowhere And I'll never see the end
So I wither And render myself helpless I give in and everything is clear I breakdown And let the story guide me
Turn it on Turn it on Let the feelings flow Close your eyes See the ones you used to note
Open up Open up Don't struggle to relate Lure it out Help the memory escape Still this barrenness consumes me And I feel like giving up
So I wither And render myself helpless I give in And everything is clear I breakdown And let the story guide me
I wither And give myself away
Like reflections on the page The worlds want to create
I drown in hesitation My words come crashing down And all my best creations Burning to the ground
The thought of staring over Leaves me paralyzed Tear it out again Another one that got away
I wither And render myself helpless I give in And everything is clear
I wither And render myself helpless I give in And everything is clear I breakdown And let the story guide me I wither And give myself away
Like reflections on the page The worlds want to create The worlds which you create
7:38 AM
Saturday, July 25, 2009
I'm here without you baby But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby And I dream about you all the time
Sometimes I think that the future is such a scary place to be in. It's like you have to make so many decisions when you think about it now. It's like I wanna do medicine. Then I have to think whether I should work hard for the LMS. But then, consider that there's so many other better candidates who are also applying for it. Then there's the interviews and recommendation letters. The A levels to overcome and get straight distinctions.
There's just so many things to do. The rat race sucks. Paper chase. sighz. maybe it's because of such a system that we dont get the time and opportunity to do what we like to do. It's like I can be doing CIP and at teh same time thinking of the Econs Lecture Test the very next day. What then is the point of doing CIP if there are so many things on my mind and I can't concentrate just one at one time. You know, sometimes studying would be so much more fun if we were allowed to, at times, do what we want without worrying about the stuff that are due tmw.
And when i want to start studying, i just feel that there's not enough time. There just seems to be so many things to study. So many commitments to fulfill. I can do math and have other subjects bugging me at the same time. sigh. and i dont dare take too long of a breather or break coz I'll just feel bad and guilty that I'm not doing work.
Still, I'm glad I didnt just throw band out of my life. somehow playing gives you a sense of calmness. indulging myself in music can just temporarily take away all my troubles. And well, i guess this temporal happiness and feeling of having nothing on your shoulders is just worth that few hours every saturday afternoon. And jy aptly put it, there's really more to life then just mugging. If only our system could see it that way.
It's the first time in my life I'm worrying about getting an award.
why am i like that?
7:55 AM
Friday, July 24, 2009
I dun get what is wrong with people. I mean, is it a crime to not want to go out and study? Why pressure people to go out and stay till late? Why assume that you'll do well coz you're RJ? what bullshit. Half the school studies hard openly, the other half studies hard away from public eyes. I mean without hard work how do you get the grades? Why try to pressurize people? If you're smart and you dont have to study then dont. But don't make it such that people have to follow in your footsteps. Not everyone is as smart as you and you're just plain selfish if you do that. What's wrong with such people seriously. Let us have our own lives. We know where we stand. You don't. You havent the faintest idea of who we are. Screwed up assholes. And trust me I aint responding to your pressure.
On another note, did my personal best exp of leadership after 2 years. Hm, thought back quite a bit and while i naturally wrote syf to be the best exp, i feel that the best exp cannot be related in just one event. I find it more accurate to say that the best exp is throughout the whole term. I mean, without failures, how would you define success? How would you know you excelled if you didnt fail in the first place? At the start of our term, where we were still adapting, that is to me the most important part of my experience. It may not have been the part where I excelled, so to speak. But it gave me many stepping stones to better myself as a leader. yep then thought abt some events and what we did overall. Thought that leaders dont have to succeed to show that they are capable. I doubt that's what people want to see. I'm more inclined towards the notion that people want to see their leaders fight and try their very best and have little qualms abt sacrificing certain things to achieve the goals of their followers/organization. That's a leader i would remember. Yep so guess that's one of the biggest thigns i learnt after 2 years ba.
Finally I guess cant put down playing after all. Still, its now abt 90% studies and 10% playing. Prolly playing for Rwinds, tho if they force me to go down for night pracs, I'll have to say no. I mean it's high time i go study. A's here i come!
cheers world :D
5:51 AM
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Respect You've got to earn it.
Life You've got to live it.
How you choose to feel and react to any situation is entirely up to you. People cannot stop you from going ahead with your decisions. Whether or not you want to react normally or abnormally is all under your control. The consequences of your actions can also be well thought out beforehand. Regrets come only when you dont plan ahead into the future. There are of course things that you cannot plan before hand, but if you can plan as many things as you can beforehand, you'll have the experience to think on the spot when met with a new challenge.
sigh, results back to the usual again.
2months to prelims.
I dont want to regret it.
hiatus i guess. till prelims? or till i explode from the sheer amount of content that is laughing at me.
life. sucks.
6:18 AM
Monday, July 6, 2009
there's so many things on my mind. no not studies.
i wonder what will i be doing one year from now. and no not academically. i wonder what i'll do after school everyday or after army if i book out. i wonder how much my social life will change.
soon, at the end of this year, friendships will grow distant. and no matter how much you try to maintain it, it's inevitable that a lot of friends will leave ur life. new friendships will be made. so wouldn't life be very very different then?
this thought is kinda interesting to contemplate on. after all, there's no sure way of saying who will grow distant as your fren and who are the new friends you'll make.
there's so much change in life that i feel as if i've not even lived in what people call a *routine*. everyday's just different?
but then, there's some good old things that wont change.
and i sure hope they dont :)
8:34 AM
Sunday, July 5, 2009
why would people ever want their lives to be a bed of roses?
it's just superficially beautiful. i mean the fact is roses have thorns. so ur life is just pretty, on the outside. but what lies beneath is a whole world of difference.
but then again, how would you ever know another person's life fully? most people dont even know a hundredth of their friends' lives. even ur best fren. at most what? 5%? 10%? everyone has their own dark secrets which no one is able to find out. no matter how many secrets u and ur friend share, there's bound to be one or two, deepest darkest secrets that u'll never know and he'll never tell. so how then can you say you know your friend very well? you only know him as what he makes himself out to be.
how many people in this world are always true to themselves? a miniscule minority. can you say it outright that you've been true to who you are? you've accepted what you are as a person? and you dont go trying to change how people look at you?
i mean all the facades. who are you trying to kid? yeah you can kid the whole world. but at the end of the day, you're only kidding yourself. but then again, who are you?
you know, interviews this year there was this repeated qn which is would you put up a strong front in front of the band everytime? I've always wanted to hear someone say "no, i cant and i will not force myself to put up a strong front. because i'm human. and not a solid rock wall that can tank all sorts of stuff."
but i never heard that if memory serves me right. people say they can put up and will put up a strong front, after all who likes to see ur top 2 acting like cry babies right? but face it we're all humans, it's more painful seeing someone up there putting on this front when evidently he/she is breaking and crumbling inside, compared to that person just saying that he/she is too stressed out and needs to take a breather.
the scary thing abt always putting on a strong front is that sooner or later, you'll unconsiously do it and at that time, u'll unconsiously reject help from ur close frens because that strong front thing just seeps in everytime and takes control.
this wednesday going to watch SYF PN. there's always this tinge of regret, that i've never been able to lead the band up there on the presentation night stage to perform. never had that exhilarating feeling to be at the back of the esplanade, knowing full well that you've the affirmation that you're one of the top 2 bands in spore.
but still, i'm darn well happy that i got to play for SYF and put in those months of crazy hardcore bullshit trainings :) yep
our time is over, all we can do is hope it continues to be better.
srsly, <3 rjcsb <3 rimb :)
haha once again a blogpost of incoherent ramblings =)