dont people ever realize that there's a limit to everything. maybe what my friend said about me not being able to express how i feel openly is true. many a time i should have said outright what i wanted to say. why then am i afraid to hurt others if others aren't afraid to hurt me.
in sec 3, i was told at ccal camp, that observing and listening were starkly different from seeing and hearing. i was told to be mindful of others, taught to be sensitive and inculcated a trait of putting others before oneself.
now as i look back, all these values have brought me more suffering than joy. yeah it's a joy to give than to receive. fuck that. who's there to listen to me when i need it. seriously, i cannot find someone who listens to me as intently, and who is as readily available as me. is it that hard to really put urself in someone else's shoes? the few who really bother listening to me are usually busy, no blame on them tho.
i guess im just sick of giving in every time, being a yes man. from now on, it's a zero sum game. listen to me and i'll listen to you. if i listen to you and you dont listen to me, that's the end. and yeah, i can totally see how it'll work out already.
in the end, i'll still give in. fuck.
