time after time.

if you fall i will catch you; i'll be waiting,/

time after time.

i think recently i've like thought a bit about one of the problems thats been bugging me for a long time. and i've come to a small conclusion! well not the full conclusion since that question isnt meant to have a definite answer but one that evolves with time? haha i mean the question is "who am i" so u cant be just one person ur whole life right? so there's no definite answer per se!

but anw. yep i come to 2 small little conclusions. since my hols were quite eventful, i must say it sorta opened my eyes to see myself deeper. i guess the first conclusion i have can be aptly summarized by this statement.. it's like the intel slogan. "i'm kinda extroverted on the outside but introverted on the inside".. to put it in a different way, its kinda how i know people a lot more compared to how much people know about me. it's how people can open up to me but i cant really open up to anyone. yeah i rant and rave and bitch but i dont tell just anyone my real problems. and maybe not anyone at all. so after years with some friends, they dont know me as well as i know them? yeah thats my first conclusion. haha

2nd. i think its fated for me to love rather than to be loved. haha unfortunate or not is for me to find out in due time. i just feel that i cant cherish any love that is given to me? or maybe it's because i never received love before? well the latter seems impossible unless my mom/dad/bro hates me. so well maybe i just cant cherish/reciprocate love. or maybe i dont want to. but that is for me to conclude another time too!

so these 2 small small conclusions. haha and i think the 2 attachments i've been doing makes me wanna do medicine more.. i really cant stand admin work. i mean i can stand and watch an operation for 12hrs and not feel tired but the moment i start admin work i just crash and burn. hahaha medicine? haha pharmacy seems less of an option now. not that i dont like it. just that there's a shit load of admin >> medicine admin.. unless i become a clinical pharmacist. i mean i just want to be in healthcare and not admin healthcare. the interactive healthcare with patients, hands-on and everything but admin hahahaha

well i shall give it more thought.. for now.. sats ):