I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

Sometimes I think that the future is such a scary place to be in. It's like you have to make so many decisions when you think about it now. It's like I wanna do medicine. Then I have to think whether I should work hard for the LMS. But then, consider that there's so many other better candidates who are also applying for it. Then there's the interviews and recommendation letters. The A levels to overcome and get straight distinctions.

There's just so many things to do. The rat race sucks. Paper chase. sighz. maybe it's because of such a system that we dont get the time and opportunity to do what we like to do. It's like I can be doing CIP and at teh same time thinking of the Econs Lecture Test the very next day. What then is the point of doing CIP if there are so many things on my mind and I can't concentrate just one at one time. You know, sometimes studying would be so much more fun if we were allowed to, at times, do what we want without worrying about the stuff that are due tmw.

And when i want to start studying, i just feel that there's not enough time. There just seems to be so many things to study. So many commitments to fulfill. I can do math and have other subjects bugging me at the same time. sigh. and i dont dare take too long of a breather or break coz I'll just feel bad and guilty that I'm not doing work.

Still, I'm glad I didnt just throw band out of my life. somehow playing gives you a sense of calmness. indulging myself in music can just temporarily take away all my troubles. And well, i guess this temporal happiness and feeling of having nothing on your shoulders is just worth that few hours every saturday afternoon. And jy aptly put it, there's really more to life then just mugging. If only our system could see it that way.

It's the first time in my life I'm worrying about getting an award.

why am i like that?