got back chem today, and if ur mcq for bio is higher then ur chem results u aint that far off from the bottom of the school cohort. and when ur %age is like lower then most of the others ah well, u know where u stand.

honestly i dunno what to expect for chem, true i studied, perhaps i studied too early in the hols, perhaps i told myself u understand the concept when i didnt understand it at all. i realize that there's really a lot of flaws that can be found on me. too many.

my mind's in a whirlwind state of emotions right now. and when that happens i tend to be a tad insensitive. i tend to just care abt myself. isolate myself. even when i know that there are people around who care. but that's me. too bad.

these days, i get affected by a lot more things that i thought i wouldnt get affected by. the world seems to be just closing around me. with people demanding attention from me yet i dun receive any in return. people demand a listening ear from me but i don't get one in return. they need a shoulder to cry on, where's mine? its not abt me in this world, everything's about you. you. you. you. all the you's. i never see me in the picture other then being a total loser in ur eyes, or rahter i see myself as a total loser in ur eyes.

of coz those who were there for me, im really grateful for it. but for those who had to rub salt into the wounds, by purposely suanning or talking total bullshit just to provoke me outright. i swear, you're going to regret it. just wait and watch out.

J1's half gone, my impression of rjc just gets worse and worse everyday. it just gets colder and colder, there's nothing for me to hold onto. the room space is just getting smaller and smaller, it'll soon suffocate me. my freedom to move about was already limited, now its going to be limited even more. so much more.

i don't know what im thinking as i wrote this post la, it was just what i was thinking as i read it. there's so many things on my mind now, i sometimes just cannot focus on one, yet if i focus on many, i'll be neglecting some things.

i guess now that the facade is off already, i'm going to become quite different i guess. it'll take time, but i dont want to be what i am now in certain ways.

i guess there's somethings that i do not do as i say, i admit i break promises, i break what i agreed to do. but then again, how many of you have never broken a promise?

____________________________________________________________________

Gp was cool today, teacher knows his stuff. went through some moral dilemma questions. well i've let myself down for one subject, i hope by promos i can live up to my expectations. and u noe what, screw what the rest says. yes i'm not smart, but i'll try my best.

what should i expect next time? should i expect to disappoint or to please?

i need room. i need space. i need to reset my priorities.

as u can tell the post beneath teh line was done 1/2hr later. so it sounds different

Side effects appear
as my conscience slips away.

i'm sorry for the things that i've done.
i'm sorry for the fact that i'm not aware
i'm sorry for the fact that i did not know
i'm sorry for the things that i did not say
like how you're the best thing in the world
and how i'm proud of you.

For i really am proud that i have you there always =)



as life goes on i'm starting to learn about responsibility,
and how the things i do are affecting the people around me.
So let me apologize for the things that i have done,
the things that havent occured yet
and the things no one takes reponsibility for.